And so a young adult can be quite casual about keeping in touch during these busy, self-involved years.
Conflicting Expectations -- Yours: Maybe you have this dream of duplicating what you had with your parents in another generation.
It can hurt a lot when you think about how much you gave your kids, how many sacrifices you made over the years, the countless times you put them first and now they can't even bother to call you occasionally. And so your feelings of hurt and anger and disappointment come out in a number of ways -- comments that start with "Is it asking a lot....?
" or "You should...." or "You owe me...." And then you feel dismissed as a guilt-mongering mom.
The young couple -- and, for one session, the wife's mother -- came to therapy to find ways to resolve this ongoing conflict and, working together, were able to do so.
In many other cases, young adults and their parents simply struggle, feeling hurt, torn and confused about the changing roles and rules that new marriage and new parenthood bring into the family dynamic.
My husband and I suffer a semi-estrangement from one of our daughters...
Our daughter seems content to have little contact with us... Both of my children live far away and are busy with their own lives.
l limit my calls to once a week and sometimes she doesn't return my call.Again, this can be part of their working to convince themselves that they haven't left so much behind and is often quite temporary.Still others may be stuck in the child role -- on the receiving end of parental giving -- and haven't developed the empathy and skills to be givers as well as takers. For others, very happy to take from their parents and not at all inclined to give of themselves, may make themselves invisible to their parents until they need something.His own family-of-origin style was quite different, with family members loving each other dearly, but communicating much less often.In time, the young wife began to cut her phone chats with her mother short or not pick up the phone at all because her daily conversations were her mother were causing such conflicts.