It is wasted words to try to express a rule when a child is upset, as they focus on one thing at a time.
Instead, train yourself to say, “You realized that you jumped off the chair and got hurt when you landed on the ground”, rather than, “See, that is what happens when you jump off the chair”.
” This gives the child respect and responsibility for their actions.
I can’t tell you the number of times I hear that phrase when around other parents, even though it is highly ineffective.
Either way, the child is allowed to express their thoughts or concerns and feel validated without an argument. First, it creates anxiety and fear in the child, especially of the person who you are going to tell about whatever happened.
Second, it ignores your responsibility to deal with the issue at hand and passes it to someone else.
Not everything over there is fully functional yet, and the internal links still point to this blog, and will for the indefinite future.
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Second, the threat is usually not something that is feasible to do (we are going home, you are going straight to bed, you don’t get dinner, you are grounded for a week, etc.) What we say in frustration is not only impractical but easily forgettable. You can train yourself to be clear and concise, using choices.
By the time a child has gotten in trouble for something, they already feel guilty, sorry and embarrassed about it.
Threatening to tell someone else rubs salt in the wound.
When I think about all of the phrases, anecdotes, and sayings about the power of the spoken word I am reminded of how I changed my way of communicating with children upon learning Play Therapy principles.
I realize that using Play Therapy based language is a learned and practiced skill that requires time and effort, so I thought it would be helpful to share ten commonly used phrases parents say to their kids.