I was no longer living in a world where some of us were entitled to wag a finger of judgment. When I was done I logged out of the account, deleted the hacker program and decided to pretend like it had never happened.I needed to believe the lie and continue being the smiling daughter of a godly man.I don’t remember these touching moments, nor do I recall any of the stories about him tossing a football with my brothers in the front yard.That’s why it was strange when he suddenly started paying attention to me.There were hundreds of emails from men with equally sexual screen names. It wasn’t my own deception, but it made my life and my identity feel like a lie.I was sitting in our family room with sunlight streaming through the windows and my childhood artwork decorating the walls, but I felt like a dark part of myself had been exposed.
By the end of the week I’d gathered the passwords for everyone’s email accounts, including several with names like “Porndog” and “Horny69.” With an eye on the door, I logged in. I couldn’t reconcile this information with what I believed to be true about my family.Dad had sent the time and location for the meet-up, expecting a quickie.When he realized it was his two sons in the car, and not the guy who had responded to his personal ad, he hit the gas and his tires screeched as he took off in the opposite direction.The camera recorded its own reflection in the dark glass as they waited.After years of trying, we had finally caught my father soliciting sex from strangers.